Marriage Customs of Antiquity Defined. Understanding the Bride of Christ

 

Marriage Customs of Antiquity Defined. Understanding the Bride of Christ.

 

            To better understand the concept and the meaning of being God’s bride, a study of Jewish wedding customs and the Jewish feasts is necessary. In both of these teachings we will be able to see God’s plan unveil into the wedding of the millennium. I will share the wedding customs in this hub.

 

Jewish Wedding Customs

 

            There are two stages in the Jewish marriage: the Kiddushin and the Nissuin. The word Kiddushin is translated “sanctification” or “betrothal,” this dual meaning will be important in our study.¹ In this stage, the couple is legally married but not yet living together. We see this between Joseph and Mary, who had been betrothed in marriage but when Joseph found Mary to be pregnant he wanted to quietly put her away. That is, to divorce her. According to the Law, a woman who had been pledged in marriage was to be stoned to death if she were found to have committed adultery (Duet.22:24). Of course she had not; she had been impregnated by the Spirit of God. Joseph had no way of knowing this until he had been informed by the angel, Gabriel.

            One had to be pursued before they could be betrothed. Jewish fathers were especially concerned with finding a bride for their sons that they even hired another person to help find the perfect mate. Though this form of marriage seems strange in our day and time, it really is no different. We too approve or disapprove of our future son or daughter-in-law. In reality, the Jewish women were not always obligated to marry the person who had proposed, they could still choose not to. Rebekah is a perfect example of the free will given in one’s choice of deciding whom to marry (Gen. 24:58).

 

Shidduchin

 

            The most common way a father found a bride for his son was through the service of a third party referred to as the Shidduchin translated “match.” This match-maker, called the “shadchan” was sent out to find a bride according to the father’s will. Even today the services of a match-maker are used by Jewish people and can be found on numerous web sites. Once a bride was found, she was presented a “ketubah.”² The ketubah was a written marriage contract listing all the obligations and provisions offered by her future husband. It was most binding to the groom and held him responsible for providing for his future bride (Ex. 21:10). In the ketubah was also the price that would be paid for the bride to her father called a “mohar” or “bride price.”³ Again, this seems foreign to us, but in that day and time, daughters were an investment that would be lost from their father’s house, unlike the sons who worked for their fathers up until the time they received their inheritance.

 

Mohar

 

            A mohar was a type of reimbursement for the father’s loss. The Scripture placed a minimum mohar that had to be paid for any bride (Ex. 22:16-17 & Deut. 22:29). The price varied according to the bride’s father and limited only by the groom’s desire to obtain her. In Scripture the payment ranged from gold, silver, and clothing, as seen in the payment for Rebekah (Gen. 24:53), to that of manual labor as did Jacob for Rachel. If a price was set and the bride agreed to all the terms and promises written in the ketubah, the groom would offer her a glass of wine called the “Cup of Acceptance.” If she drank from the cup, the marriage was sealed and the couple were legally married. He would not drink again until they were reunited. This signified and sealed the first stage of the Jewish marriage called the “Kiddushin.”

 

Mattan

 

            Since Jewish marriages consisted of a time of separation, which is from the Kiddushin until the Nissuin, the groom would leave provisions for his bride until he returned for her. The provisions were referred to as the “Mattan.”⁴ The Mattan was simply a gift which consisted of a ring or money in the form of silver or gold. She would also be able to use his name. This helped her with daily living expenses and gave her security until her bridegroom returned to take her with him. He would not leave her to starve or to live in poverty but would even provide for her during his absence. There was also a dowry given to the bride from her father called the “shiluhim” or “parting gift” as part of her inheritance.⁵

 

Separation

 

            During the time the couple was separated, each would be preparing for the day of their union. She went through a time of purification which consisted of perfume baths and treatments, referred to as a “mikveh.”⁶ Every time she would go out into public, she covered herself with a veil so that others would know she had been pledged in marriage. The groom returned to his father’s house to prepare a “honeymoon suite” for himself and his bride. The separation could last up to a year and was determined by the groom’s father. The father of the groom would make sure his son was diligent in designing and decorating the room for his bride. He was not as anxious as the son in wanting to complete the room because he had already experienced that himself. He made sure everything was perfect for his daughter-in-law and the day of her union with his son.

 

 

 

 

Abduction

 

            Once the room had been completed and met the father’s approval, then and only then was the groom told he could go for his bride. He, therefore, would not know the day nor hour his father would release him to go. He would know the time was close as the room neared completion. When the father announced to his son, “Go for your bride,” the groom gathered his friends and they would leave to go “abduct” the bride. The abduction took place during the midnight hour but not without a shout from the procession and the blowing of the “shofar” (Matt. 25:6).  The groom would alert her in advance so she would be ready. The bride would hear the shout and the sound of the trumpet-call announcing his arrival. Of course, she was already prepared and only needed to hear his voice so she could jump out of bed to put on her wedding gown, trim her lamp and gather oil she had kept ready for that occasion. The voices of the bridegroom and the bride could be heard throughout the streets along with the wedding guests, but the bride was not revealed to those who saw her in the night because she was veiled.

 

Nissuin

 

            The day finally arrived for the wedding ceremony to begin. This was the final stage of the wedding called the “Nissuin.”⁷ A canopy was set up so the couple could stand under it and say their vows to God publicly. The canopy was called a “chuppah” or “huppah” and symbolized the couple’s home.⁸ The bridegroom would take his bride into the room he had prepared and for seven days they spent their time in intimacy and came to “know” (ginosko) one another. After the seven days were completed, the couple would emerge from the room and present themselves to the wedding guests, and then the bride would be unveiled for all to see.

 

Relating the marriage to Scripture

 

            For all practical purposes, Jesus was born a Jew and observed all the Jewish customs of His day. To be exact, Jesus, Who had been born of the blood-line of David and of the root of Jesse, was God in the flesh. He took the form of a bond-servant and was made in the likeness of man and was found in appearance as a man (Phil 2:8). He Himself called Abram out from among his people and made him a “great nation” giving them all the customs and observances of the Law. It is this Law and customs the Jews followed even in civil matters. The Sabbaths and feasts were ordained by God as well as marriage. Based upon that fact, we would expect to see Jesus, a Jew, obedient both in Law and customs. We see in the gospels that Jesus used the Law and Jewish customs to teach His people truths of the Kingdom of God.

            What could be seen foremost in the heart of Jesus was the way He presented the gospel. He did it according to Jewish marriage customs. The relation is as follows: God, the Father, sends the “Third Person” of the Trinity, better known as the Holy Spirit, to find a bride for His Son, Jesus Christ. Hence, the only way one can come to know Jesus is by the prompting of the Spirit and call of the Father (John 6:44 & 65). Like the shadchan, who asked for the bride’s hand in marriage on behalf of his master’s son, the Spirit informs us that we are God’s choice to be the bride of Jesus Christ, His Son, thus revealing His approval and acceptance of us.

 Recall that the “Kiddushin” means sanctification and/or betrothal. In 2 Thessalonians 2:13 we have both the Father and the Spirit being revealed as the Ones Who call us and Who have betrothed us to Jesus. “But we should always give thanks to God for you, brethren beloved by the Lord, because God has chosen you from the beginning for salvation through sanctification (betrothal) by the Spirit and faith in the truth (NASB).” God is the One Who has chosen us to be the bride of His Son Jesus, and it is the Spirit Who is unveiling the mystery of this sanctification, that is, our betrothal to Jesus. Those who believe and accept it as truth will come into the full revelation of being Jesus’ bride. We, like Rebekah, have the free will to say, “Yes” or “No.”

 

Ketubah

 

How will we come to this knowledge of Jesus wanting to take our hand in marriage? And what are the terms of His proposal? This can all be found in the “written marriage contract” of God, which the Jews gave to their potential brides, called a “ketubah.” To Christians, the contract or covenant is known as the New Testament. To Messianic Jews, the New Testament is referred to as the New Covenant. “Behold, days are coming, says the Lord, when I will effect a new covenantwith the house of Israel and with the house of Judah; not like the covenant which I made with their fathers on the day when I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt; for they did not continue in My covenant” (Hebrews 8:8&9 NASB). In Jeremiah, God testified that Israel had broken her covenant with Him and declared that it was a marriage contract saying, “My covenant which they broke, although I was a Husband to them” (Jeremiah 31:32 NASB). The covenant God made with Israel, after He had led them out of Egypt, was under the Law. They could not fulfill this contract because the Law was not of the Spirit but of the letter, which kills (2 Cor 3:6). However, the New Covenant is written upon the hearts of men by the Holy Spirit. God, through the sanctification by the Spirit, is pouring this “knowing” into our hearts so that we may experience first hand God’s intimate love for us.

In the book of Ruth the first kinsman-redeemer declined to redeem his kinsman’s land when he found out that Ruth, the Moabite, came with the redemption. Why? Because the first kinsman-redeemer represented the Law which stated, “No Ammonite or Moabite or any of his descendants may enter the assembly of the LORD, even down to the tenth generation” (Deut. 23:3 NIV). Therefore, the Law could not redeem Ruth; but Boaz, the second kinsman-redeemer, did, and took her to be his wife! Boaz was willing to be cursed, even as Jesus became a curse for us. “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: ‘cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree’” (Gal 3:13 NIV). In the same way, the Law could not redeem us. But Jesus, the second kinsmen-redeemer from the Law, did. By His love and His ability He paid the required “mohar” set by the Law. “For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit” (Romans 8:3&4 NASB). The “mohar” had been set by Law, Genesis 2:17, and the wages of the Law for sin was death (Romans 6:23 NASB). For the mohar to be paid, Jesus had to come in the flesh and be made like His brethren (Hebrews 2:14-15 & Galatians 4:4-5). He had to fulfill the letter of the Law and die in place of those who had broken the Law (Hebrews 9:28). Jesus has purchased us, not only for the sake of salvation but also for sanctification, i.e. our betrothal to Him. The bride price of silver and gold may have been costly for some men, but the price paid by Jesus to have us as His bride was very high indeed! No other man could have paid the price of his life and his blood but only the Son of God (1 Peter 1:18-20). “Therefore, my brethren,” writes Paul, “you also were made to die to the Law through the body of Christ, that you might be joined to another, to Him who was raised from the dead, that we might bear fruit for God” (Romans 7:4). We, therefore, must die to the Law so we can be married to Christ. His death released us from the Law so that we could be joined with Him and bear fruit for God. We cannot bear fruit unless we have intimacy, and it is Christ who has died, rather who was raised, that He may bear fruit in us!

 

Mattan

 

In the Ketubah, the New Covenant, are written the provisions and promises of the bridegroom, Jesus, to His bride, the church. Like the marriage contracts of the Jews, God has left us with all the benefits of being pledged in marriage to Him. The gifts that Jesus left for us are likened to those of the Jewish men who gave their brides gifts, called the mattan. They were given to sustain them and comfort them during the period of their separation. We have been given the authority to use His name and are called by His name as Christians. We are promised eternal life with Him (John 17:1-2) and He has given us His peace (John 14:27). To help us survive while we wait for His return, He tells us that if we need “anything,” to ask and He will give it (John 14:14). We know that He has promised to come back to get us. Jesus will not leave us or forsake us for another bride while He is gone. He has committed Himself to this marriage and has paid the highest price ever for a bride, His life! Jesus promised, “And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I Am” (John 14:3 NIV). How binding is His promise? “Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away” (Luke 21:33 NIV). As our dowry, the shiluhim, we are given the Holy Spirit. He is our inheritance and helps us during our wait for Jesus’ return. “In Him, you also, after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation -- having also believed, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is given as a pledge of our inheritance, with a view to the redemption of God's own possession, to the praise of His glory” ( Eph 1:13-14 NASB).

 

Cup of Acceptance

 

If we are in agreement with God’s contract, and accept its terms, then He offers us the “Cup.” Partaking of the cup signifies our acceptance of the contract. If we take the cup and drink, we enter into a marriage contract with Jesus. “When he took the cup, He gave thanks and offered it to them, saying, drink from it, all of you. This is my blood of the covenant (marriage contract), which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins, (mohar).  I tell you, I will not drink of this fruit of the vine from now on until that day when I drink it anew with you in my Father's kingdom” (Matt. 26:28 NIV). We must be reminded each time we drink this cup, of our first commitment to be God’s bride and to stay faithful to Him (Rev. 2:4).  He is faithful and will return to receive you to Himself.

 

 

 

Separation

 

            Obviously, we are between the Kiddushin and the Nissuin of this marriage. While we wait, we must prepare ourselves for the upcoming day, even as the Jewish women did in antiquity. As they prepared for the day of their nuptials, much time was spent in purification baths called a “Mikveh.” This is not referring to our baptism, but rather it is the “washing of regeneration” and “renewing by the Holy Spirit, and by the washing of water with the word” (Titus 3:5 & Ephesians 5:26 NASB). This is done by “soaking” our hearts in prayer and resting before the Lord. We must set aside time each day to soak our hearts before God so we can receive from Him and experience His love.

The Jewish bride would also separate herself from the world and wear a veil while in public. Her identity was in her husband and not sought in others. Though we too are in the world, we are not to be of the world (John 17:16). Our identity is veiled to the world and especially our identity of being the literal bride of Christ. Unfortunately, many Christians will not take seriously their bridal identity and the day of their wedding, as was the case of the five virgins who had no oil (Matt 25:1)! Therefore, let us be warned and avail ourselves of the oil of the Holy Spirit so that we may be prepared for His coming. We should also separate ourselves from the things that would defile us. “As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance, but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior because it is written, ‘You shall be holy, for I Am Holy’…knowing that you were not redeemed with perishable things like silver and gold from your futile way of life inherited from your forefathers, but with precious blood, as of a lamb unblemished and spotless, the blood of Christ” (1 Peter 1:14-19 NASB). What were the things in our former lusts we did out of ignorance or may still be doing out of rebellion? Paul lists them in Galatians 5:19-20 and Ephesians 2:13. The Jewish brides did not make themselves available for courtship but rather set themselves apart for their grooms. What do you think would have happened if the bridegroom returned to find his bride not ready or worse, with another man (Matt. 1:18-19)? Nevertheless, Jesus has bound Himself to marry you even if you have been unfaithful! Of course that depends on whether you choose to return to Him and repent or reject Him; but what a testimony to His love, commitment and devotion in this marriage.

 

Abduction

 

            As the day dawns and the morning star arises, the bride begins to sense the day is drawing near for her abduction. This anticipation of the return of her bridegroom to carry her off into paradise was not without expectation. The Jewish woman knew that his return would be in a year or less, based on customs and rituals. We, too, can see from God’s word how He has operated in the past to conclude the approximate time of His return. I know Jesus said, “No one knows that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father” (Mark 13:32 NIV). This was not a confession that He was not equal to the Father or that He was less than omniscient. Just as I am not to think that Jesus is not omnipotent based on what He said in John 14:28, “For the Father is greater than I.” We know that in every aspect Jesus is equal with the Father, for in Jesus all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form (Col 2:9). He was less, based on the fact that He limited Himself in bodily form (Phil 2:5-8). Reflecting back on what the disciples were asking Him, Matthew 24 and Mark 13, and knowing the purpose of His mission, we can begin to understand the meaning of this statement “no one knows the day or hour.” As the days went by after the Kiddushin, the groom could be seen working on the bridal suite. Those who would pass by would ask, “When is the big day?” Of course his reply was always, “I don’t know, only my father knows.” We must understand that Jesus is the literal “Groom” and that He addressed most of His followers’ questions in terms of a bridegroom. For example, John's disciples came and asked him, "How is it that we and the Pharisees fast, but your disciples do not fast?" Jesus answered, "How can the guests of the bridegroom mourn while he is with them? The time will come when the bridegroom will be taken from them; then they will fast” (Matt 9:15 NIV). Not a typical reply one would expect, unless the one who replied was preparing for a wedding! In Mark 13, Jesus was asked by His closest disciples, those who represented the heart of the bride, when He would return. He gave them a list of things to look for and said, “Even so you too, when you see all these things, recognize that He is near, right at the door” (Matt. 24:33 NASB). Then He replied as a bridegroom to those who would ask when the big day would be, “Only the Father knows!” That did not contradict what Jesus had just stated in verse 33, but rather put into perspective what any bridegroom would say. Any other answer would have been out of character for a bridegroom.

 

Right at the Door

 

            “Recognize that He is near, right at the door” (Matt 24:33 NASB)! Have we recognized that Jesus is at the door and is calling us out for us to enjoy the benefits of being His bride? In the Song of Solomon the bride says, “My beloved, responded and said to me, Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come along, for behold, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers have already appeared in the land; the time has arrived for pruning the vines, and the voice of the turtle dove has been heard in our land. The fig tree has ripened its figs and the vines in blossom have given forth their fragrance. Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come along” (Song of Solomon 2:10-13 NASB)! It is the season for the bride to come forth out of the church and run with the Bridegroom, Jesus. He is calling for us to “Arise,” not for battle, not for evangelism or missions; rather He is calling us to “Arise” to the fact that we are His beautiful one and His desire is intimacy with us. Just as the seasons must change from winter to the new life of spring, we too must make the transition to intimacy with the King. We will not, if we are uninformed or if we desire service over relationship. Do we really think God is more delighted with our service rather than our adoration of Him (Luke 10:38-42)?

 

Nissuin

 

            The voice of the bridegroom calls out and the sound of the trumpet is heard. The day has arrived and the father has given the okay for the son to retrieve his bride. The bride has made herself ready and is prepared for the flight to the wedding ceremony. Her days have been filled with thoughts of his appearing and the desire for his presence. Surely there is a crown for her, as a reward for faithfulness and perseverance.

            Soon the voice of Jesus, the Bridegroom God, will be heard along with the blast of the trumpet that will sound forth throughout the whole earth signaling to His bride the day of her wedding (1 Thess 4:16-17 & Math 25:6-7). She will be paraded off to heaven along with the friends of the Bridegroom (angels) to the “wedding chambers.” This appearing will not be for the “Throne” and reign on the earth, but for abducting the bride. The voice will not be recognized by all, but only those who know “His voice” (John 10:27). In the final week before Jesus was to die on the cross, He said “Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name” (John 12:27-28 NIV)! At that moment His Father’s voice resounded from heaven saying, "I have glorified it, and will glorify it again" (John 12:28 NIV). Some thought it was thunder while others heard it as the voice of an angel (John 12:29). So will it be at this event, many will speculate as to what happened and to what they heard. “For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be ‘caught up’ (abducted) together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever” (1 Thess 4:16-17 NIV).

            This event will last seven years in the Father’s house just as the Jewish man and his bride spent seven days in his father’s house. Seven is the number of completion and perfection; therefore, seven years is allotted for the consummation and completion of the marriage. During the seven years of intimacy with His bride, the earth will be experiencing tribulation. After the completion of the seven years, both the groom and the bride will descend upon the earth and reign together for a thousand years (Rev. 19:6-21, Rev. 3:21). It will be spent under the covering of God and His protection represented by the “chuppah” in the Jewish nuptial. Earth will, for the first time since Adam, experience perfect peace and tranquility (Isaiah 65:17-25).

 

Chuppah

 

            The “chuppah,” Hebrew for canopy, is a symbol of God’s covering and protection which a bride would find in the house of her groom and is symbolized in the Feast of Tabernacles. The cloud by day protected the Israelites from the heat of the sun and also directed their way. In ancient times, a Hebrew would cover a woman with his robe as an act of betrothal as Boaz did to Ruth and by God in Ezekiel 16:8 to emphasize His covenant relationship with Israel.  It also represented his willingness to protect and provide for her. Isaiah wrote about a remnant that would experience this chuppah, “For seven women will take hold of one man in that day, saying, ‘We will eat our own bread and wear our own clothes, only let us be called by your name; take away our reproach!’  In that day the Branch of the LORD will be beautiful and glorious, and the fruit of the earth will be the pride and the adornment of the survivors of Israel. It will come about that he who is left in Zion and remains in Jerusalem will be called holy — everyone who is recorded for life in Jerusalem. When the Lord has washed away the filth of the daughters of Zion and purged the bloodshed of Jerusalem from her midst, by the spirit of judgment and the spirit of burning, then the LORD will create over the whole area of Mount Zion and over her assemblies a cloud by day, even smoke, and the brightness of a flaming fire by night; for over all the glory will be a ‘canopy’ (chuppah). There will be a shelter to give shade from the heat by day, and refuge and protection from the storm and the rain” (Isaiah 4:1-6 NASB).

            This covering is what we have longed for, the provision and protection of our real Husband, Jesus. By His righteousness and love He has betrothed us and will protect us by His power and might. A wedding ceremony will take place on the third day, but it will not be in Cana of Galilee (John 2:10). It will take place on the third day after His ascension. You have been invited not to observe but to walk down the aisle. This is not the doing of man, but of God. If you believe, then you will be in agreement with the Spirit and will bid others to “Come” (Rev 22:17).